I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
