the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I need moral support for this bender
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
