i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize