i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Houston, we have a blender
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
