i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
