I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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