Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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