need another drink. this is the easiest way
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
