Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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