Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
