did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
