so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
