i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
