Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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