you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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