Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
