I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
