So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
