I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
