you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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