we're blogging at a bar
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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