I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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