Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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