I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
