if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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