his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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