I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
