i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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