After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
