the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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