yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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