before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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