I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
