I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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