i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
