A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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