No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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