we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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