I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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