I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
