you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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