she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
