this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
