So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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