One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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