I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
