gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
