fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
