dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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