The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
