I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
