Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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