Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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