Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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