I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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