Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
