i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
