Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
