clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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