NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
