What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is the high leading the old right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
did i just pee glitter
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
