You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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