There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
