The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
