I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
