at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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