I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
