I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
