my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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