Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
