Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
