I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
