A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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