i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
