I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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