nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
