I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
