Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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