He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
