Acid is not a monday night drug
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
