just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
