Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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