ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
