So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
