I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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