She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
