Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
