I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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